need some support . . .

[trichdanes]

Hello folks! I guess I'm just looking for a little support. I am adopting my boyfriend's two great danes this week. Unfortunately, he passed away very suddenly about five weeks ago. I have spent a lot of time around his babies; I know their personalities and I love them very much. I love these two dogs, but I don't know much about the breed (I always have had labs) - I have been doing some reading though! Initially, I said I wanted his babies, but all of his family and friends told me that I just wouldn't be able to handle that much responsibility. I bought into their arguments for a while, but it has been several weeks now and no one else has offered to take them so they are glad to let me have them now!

You see, I am a single mother with four children (ages 7-16). No problem with the children and the dogs getting along - they are wonderful together! The problem is that everyone in my life is telling me what an idiot I am to be taking in these two huge dogs and I am becoming a little discouraged that no one seems to be able to see that it is exactly what my boyfriend would have wanted for them. We would have all been a family someday soon anyway. Both dogs are older, the male is five and the female is seven years old. I am planning to keep them and spoil them, just as he did, for the rest of their lives. When I first met his babies I remember thinking, "My gosh! They are HUGE!" Funny thing is, they don't look all that big to me anymore!

Please won't someone tell me that I am doing the right thing and that the dogs will benefit by being around people that they already know and love rather than waiting indefinately for placement in a home with strangers, even though they might be more familiar with the breed.

Thanks!
Pat

[ILuvMySilentDanes]

Welcome to the Group :) :)
I am sorry about your boyfriend must be a difficult time for you .. and I am sure it is hard to hear negative things about the danes when you are trying to make them comfortable since they lost their dad.. IMO you are doing good for them.. making it easier for them to deal with the loss of their dad and they will help you deal with the loss of your boyfriend .. stay strng and LOVE THEM until they are ROTTEN haha! :)

enjoy the forum

~*~*~ S ~*~*~

[Ellen]

One thing to remember is that people are concerned about YOU. They may be discouraging you for that reason. What they fail to realize is that those goofy dogs may be just the ones to help you overcome your grief!


As far as leaving the dogs for some one more familiar with the breed...love will make you learn. :)

Unless the dogs have agressive/destructive behaviors that would need to be addressed I don't believe you need to know anything about the breed to take them in....you can learn as you go. If there are serious behavior issues then you could always have them evaluated by a behaviorist before the move.

[Zoeys Mom]

You are doing the right thing. :)

[day_z mae]

I am so sorry for your loss I don't know what kind of emotional state I would be in if I lost my husband.

I think you are doing the right thing! I think it is wonderful that you will take them. Don't listen to the negative stuff just prove everyone wrong. That is bittersweet.

[PeverettandPhoenix]

I'm sorry for your loss, but YOU ARE doing the right thing, and what a generous heart you have for taking these two in. Don't worry, you have shown interest in learning about this breed and that is a great step! Enjoy them, and I hope that they help you heal, and you will help them.

[jue03]

listen to your heart and you lillte voice!

So sorry for your lost!

Sending you big huggs and support for you!

:* :*
Julie

[MyDaneBaby]

My heart goes out to you and your family. I've had big dogs for years and my family still doesn't understand, all they see are big dogs not the sweet loving boys I've come to know. For years they still want to know why I "need" such big dogs, my hands are full wouldn't my life be easier (single mom) without them. The answer is, was and will always be NO. You are doing the right thing & those dogs & I bet you too will benefit from your being there in their time of need also.

Mitch

[astridj]

Welcome to DOL. I lost my husband last year and I have to say that if I wouldn't have had my dogs things would have been a lot more difficult. Besides, they'll give you something to remember him by - I think you're doing the right thing and I'm sure all will work out in the long run. hang in there.

[jlr07]

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. You are definitely doing the right thing! His babies need you and someone familiar in their lives as much as you need them! Your love and support to them and vice versa will help you through this very difficult time in your life. Their unconditional love alway has a way to put a smile on your face when you are feeling blue or you need a tear wiped away. Good luck and feel free to call on us here on the board anytime!

[SixstarDanes]

:o :o :o ;8 :o :) :o :) ;8 :o :)

Bless you for caring for your love's companions.
I'm sure he's smiling down at you for doing that for him and his babies.

Wishing you all the best.

[andiesdanes]

I am very sorry for your sudden loss...... :( It must be terribly difficult.

You know when hubby and I got our first Dane my Dad, who was a huge dog lover, thought we were totally NUTS. Wouldn't you know it he fell in love with them, and finally understood....he took the loss of our first Dane almost as hard as we did. So for outsiders looking in Danes can seem daunting. I think you will find that they are in general easier than your Labs.....Especially middle aged Danes.

I personally think Danes are MUCH easier to live with than many of the smaller breeds. Stereotypically they are a lower energy breed. And I can't imagine you would notice a bit more laundry, or a bit more dirt on the floor when you already have four kids! :)

I think you and your children will get WAY more back than you give to these two "babies." Enjoy each other........

Andrea

[rcpa3116]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And how many times do we hear that one statement until it no longer means anything. Danes are not fragile delicate dogs. Yes they can have health problems as with any other type of dog. But in my opinion there is not another dog on earth that will love you or your children more. As time goes by you will be able to pick the knowledge that you will need to care for them as you did your children. And they will be forever grateful that they are able to go to a home were they already know the people. Thank you for caring for them.



Cheryl
Titan and Crystal's Mommy
http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4289483337
http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4289482147

[TxDane_N_Nd]

I am so very sorry for your loss. I think you are doing the right thing for you, your children, and the dogs. Good luck.

[alp]

I am so sorry for your loss. I also believe that you are doing the right thing. If you have any questions or problems you just have to log on to DOL. We'll be here to help you through the day to day dane stuff. Good luck and god bless.

[Pauline301]

You are doing a great thing. And I believe also, that the Danes will be a great comfort in your time of grief, knowing that they belonged to your boyfriend. Feel free to ask any and all questions and don't think that there are any dumb ones. I would suggest you go back and read the different archieves, as they are loaded with a wealth of information. God Bless You for taking on these beautiful babies. You are an :-(

Linda, Dave, Jesse, and Kitties, Cassie, Pekoe and Emma

http://sites.centralpets.com/mammals/yuccabean/personal.html

[Kramers mom]

I'm sorry for your loss...my family/friends also thought I was nuts
when I got Kramer (6 months and deaf)...you're doing the right thing
for those dogs, your family AND yourself! :o

...Ruth & Kramer

[wizoz]

It's wonderful that these two older danes can stay together, and particularly after they have lost their master. They don't understand, and just know that they miss him. At least they can derive comfort from the familiar interraction with each other and now from the love and familiarity of your family. You will be amazed at how they in turn will comfort you.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My two danes and I have many conversations, and know that you'll find comfort in your future conversations with them about your boyfriend.

Bless you,
Gail
MacGyver and Daizy

[chillygirl]

So long as they get along with your kids, don't worry about what others say. You can become just another crazy lady with big dogs like us!

[Dina Gbeck]

What a terribly, tough thing to be going through right now. My heart goes out to you during your struggle with the coming weeks. Please log on and tell us how you are doing. We tend to "circle the wagons" when someone needs help. You'll find it here any day or night!

I agree with everything that's been already said. You know in your heart whether you can handle the extra workload or not. To tell you the truth I think a Dane is a heck of alot mellower than a yappy ankle biter (sorry to those reading this that own a yappy ankle biter...:D) You've said yourself, they just don't seem that big anymore. If the kids get along with the dogs they can certainly help with the chores. Might even be fun for them!

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid69/p369abb279a03192c53f7ffb272595340/fba62290.jpg

~ Dina & Cooper

Here's the "little" guy! http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4290313725

[trichdanes]

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and encouragement!

I arrived home this afternoon with "the babies'. A friend and former roommate of my boyfriend helped me pick up their new sofa this morning (my boyfriend's family threw away the one they had) and then we went out to get them from the farm where he had been living. The girls at the farm had been caring for the dogs since my boyfriend passed away. I know that he was looking down from heaven and was pleased to see the two of us working together to take care of his precious little family of big dogs! The roommate lived with them for a couple of years and is even more familiar with their habits than I am. He will be a big help in the days to come and will be by to visit with them often, as he is dating my next-door neighbor.

As I write this, Haley is curled up by my feet and Amber is napping on her new sofa. I know that we will all have to adjust to each other and build a new routine (and I will have to get used to the shedding and the drool!), but I KNOW I have done the right thing. We are all together, as we would have been; it just hurts to look around and see that "daddy" is missing and the home that we were fixing up is now being occupied by someone else.

I've read through all of your messages and am moved to tears by the love and generosity of the folks here. You all are the best!

Thank you all!!!
Pat

[gmac]

I would say that you have come to the right place! You are doing the right thing for the dogs, yourself, and your children. The love and companionship of a pet is very theraputic in times like these, and I really admire you for what you are doing.

The fact is, the majority of the people I know thought I was nuts when I adopted Maggie. They don't understand that a large dog is often easier to live with then a small one. And certainly with the number of children you have, they will not be lacking for love and attention.

God bless you - what a terrible period this must have been in your life. Believe me, for anyone that loves their dog the way we all do, a major worry is always "what happens to my dogs if something happens to me?" Your boyfriend obviously chose a very special lady to share his life with. I'm sorry the circumstances are what they are, but you will certainly find out more than you ever thought possible about Danes. We do tend to ;-) at times, but the majority of us are quite harmless.

Welcome to DOL.

[Dina Gbeck]

Hang in there Pat and come visit often. I'd love to hear how the babies are settling in and getting along with the kids. You've done the right thing. God Bless!

~ Dina & Cooper

Here's the "little" guy! http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4290313725

[Vanessa_S]

I think it's awesome that you are adopting the babies!! What a great woman. Congratulations on the additions to your family! Don't let other people's negativity about the breed discourage you. They just don't know.

[andipanda]

I think you are doing the right thing, and showing your kids that even though your boyfriend is gone, you are honoring his memory by taking care of his companions. What a great lesson they will learn from your kindness. Sounds like they are moved in fine. Good luck, and it sounds like you are doing well with this tragedy. Sending good karma your way. andi

[Red]

Hi Pat,

I'm very sorry you are going through a tough time now. Know that you have not only done the right thing, but a wonderful thing! Those 2 furbabies will bring you more joy then you could've imagined! I work with Mid-Atlantic Great Dane Rescue (MAGDRL) and can tell you that it can be very difficult to place older danes - especially ones bonded so they really need to stay together! They will do much better off with the family they have grown to love! Love beats experience every time! I know you'll enjoy this board, it is a wonderful source of support and knowledge! I noticed from your profile that you live in VA. Our group covers several east coast states including VA. If you find yourself needing some local advice, please feel free to contact us (www.mid-atlanticdanerescue.com)! We not only rescue, we love to help out with folks trying to keep their babies and those learning about the breed. Sometimes it's fun to just come out to some of the events we have to meet other big dog folks!

Brenda

[trichdanes]

Thanks for the encouragement Brenda!

I am somewhat familiar with MAGDRL; actually, the dogs had been placed with them and my sweetheart's family had hoped for a quick adoption, but as the weeks wore on a quick solution didn't look too promising. Perhaps it is harder to place a pair of older dogs. As I said earlier, I had wanted these precious "babies" from the beginning but kept being told that I didn't need the added responsibility since I already am a single mother of four children and one crazy smaller dog.

I had to argue that I already knew the dogs, their habits and personalities, and I loved them. They had spent many hours playing with my children and the kids loved them too. (My 9 year old son thinks that Haley is his best friend!) I felt that we had already lost so much when my boyfriend passed away; I couldn't bear to lose his babies too. And I knew that it was what he would have wanted, because he knew he could trust me with them. Anyway, my sweetheart's brother finally agreed to let me have the dogs, and I am very thankful.

I do appreciate what the MAGDRL organization tried to do though, and the excellent manner in which they handled everything. I just really believe that this solution is the best for everyone! I'm thankful that they allowed it to happen as well! I'd love to learn more about upcoming MAGDRL events and I plan on contacting the area coordinator who was handling matters before I adopted Haley and Amber with a couple of questions.

Thanks again (to all of you) for the help and support I've found here!!! I really want to be a good mom to these two - they were so devoted to my boyfriend! They deserve the very best that we can give them for the rest of their lives! And if they end up loving me half as much as I know they loved him, then I'll feel honored.

Pat

[Nicole34]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but you ARE doing the right thing.
Everyone thought I was crazy getting 2 dane puppies at the same time. "Don't you know how big they are going to get?" was all I heard for months. My own mother couldn't believe it either. It turns out my 100+ lb danes are better behaved than her little german shepard mix mutt.
Hang in there and keep us updated!

[Heather and Bishop]

My condolences on your loss. How horrible it must be for you.I will keep you all in my prayers.

As for the dogs. Let me tell you first that I run a pet sitting business and have cared for just about every breed out there. Labs are a heck of a lot more hyper and a handful than Danes, so if you've already successfully managed that breed a Dane or two will be a piece of cake..temperment-wise. Obviously we do have health concerns with our beloved giants, but at least you are educating yourself beforehand. I still get the same thing from family (not friends, they have actually met my dogs...live over-seas currently). I simply tell people the truth, when we are all at home , my dogs are asleep on the couch, at night they are asleep with us on the bed. Yes, they love to go to the dog park and run, but they are calm at home.

Don't let people get you down about your decision or let the fact that you are new to the breed discourage you, every one here was a newbie at some point.

Good luck. Feel free to e-mail for any questions or support.:+

[dmyers]

You absolutely did the right thing, and good for you. Take heart, the babies will soon be under your feet with all their love.
Deb

[debby52]

Hi Pat, I am new here and i was reading some of the messages. I am so sorry about your loss. I do understand how your family feels though. They just care and love you. It's very kind that you want to take the dogs in. Since they know you already it will be easier on them but a full time job for you but worth every minute. We have 2 danes both puppys and i tell you they keep me busy. Not to mention the amount of food they eat. But Pat i can't think of not having them around. They make me laugh right out loud at times. I believe my life is fuller and happier with them around. So good luck and God bless... Those are 2 lucky dogs...

Debby

[dacowden]

I applaude you for taking responsibility for these wonderful animals! Please don't listen to "the undaned". Of course they would be better off with someone they already know and love. Keep up the good work!

[Reno]

I'M SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!!! I'VE BEEN THERE-2 YEARS AGO! THE DOGS WILL BE MUCH MORE THERIPUTIC (sp) THAN ANY HUMAN (NO OFFENCE TO ANYONE)-FOR ME ANYWAYS!! MY DOGS STUCK TO ME LIKE GLUE (MORE SO THAN USUAL)-THEY ARE VERY SMART CREATURES!! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!! I'M PROUD OF YOU!!

[sherley3lawton]

Hi Pat
I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss my thoughts are with you.
As for the two Danes i know in my heart that you are doing the right thing by taking them into your home. It is so much better for them to be around a family that they know especially at a time like this, they are obviously missing their Dad as you must be, but they cannot understand where he has gone! With your love and care it will help themto come to terms with the loss, and they will help you through this sad time, by giving so much love. Great Danes are very loving and understanding...they know when you are sad, and will gently nudge you and look into your face as if to say 'Let me help you..I am here for you'.
Great Danes make a family..and they are Gentle Giants in every way.
God Bless you and your family
Sherley lovingly owned by Bailey Fern and Benson